Two Octobers ago I told my sister I’d be “a simple Barbie” and then spent three evenings arguing with a pink blazer that refused to look pink in photos. Here’s what that taught me: Barbie Halloween costumes look easy, but the difference between “cute” and “wait, which Barbie is that?” comes down to a few…
My sophomore year, I wore a costume with a skirt so tight I couldn’t climb the stairs to the party. I spent the first hour sitting on a porch step eating someone else’s pretzels, wondering why I’d paid $48 for something I couldn’t walk in. That’s the real test for college Halloween costumes: does it…
Two years ago I spent $85 on a “complete” witch costume that arrived in a bag the size of a lunch sandwich. The hat was floppy, the dress was see-through under any light, and the whole thing smelled like a shipping container. I wore it for forty minutes, then changed into jeans and a cardigan…
Three Halloweens ago, my best friend Dana and I agreed to “just figure out something fun” the week of. By Thursday we had a group chat full of unanswered screenshots, a half-finished argument about who got to be the cooler character, and zero costumes. We ended up as two mismatched ghosts in sheets, and the…
My nephew Daniel wore his $34 store-bought dinosaur costume for exactly eleven minutes last Halloween before announcing it was “scratchy” and climbing into the back seat in his pajamas. The costume that finally worked? A green hoodie, some felt spikes, and about fifteen minutes with a hot glue gun. That’s when I stopped shopping for…

Last year my husband and I decided on our couples Halloween costumes at 4:45 p.m. on October 31st, standing in a Target aisle that had been picked clean down to one sad inflatable dinosaur. We left with face paint, a pack of safety pins, and a lot of regret. That night taught me something: the…

Last October my niece Maya, who is fifteen and has a very strong opinion about everything, rejected four costumes in one afternoon. Too childish, too basic, too much like what the girl in her math class was wearing. We ended up at a thrift store with a $20 budget, and she walked out with a…

Two Octobers ago I agreed to a “super easy” duo costume with my roommate, and by 9 p.m. on October 30th we were standing in a craft store aisle arguing over felt colors, with a hot glue gun that had already burned me twice. The costume looked fine in the end. The process did not.…

Two Octobers ago, my sister Hannah spent $140 on a full Incredibles set for her family of four. Her five-year-old wore the mask for eleven minutes, the baby chewed through the cape, and her husband’s foam muscle suit made him sweat so badly he changed in the car before we even hit the second house.…

Two Octobers ago I bought a “sexy witch” costume online for $34, and it showed up as a polyester bag with a hat that looked like it had lost a fight. The skirt was see-through in a way the photos definitely did not mention. I ended up wearing a black slip dress, my own boots,…